Ispossiblyprofound

I have been afforded the luxury of great friendships. Those to which truth is the mark and word of the day. It is with loving thankfulness I find myself today. Being reminded that this is indeed is not my fault. That I do not have anything to feel guilty about any thing, that I should stand for myself against those who make my situation perhaps less than it should be and more of what it is too me, that I should not be ashamed of taking time to heal. Because this double mastectomy was indeed a certainly big thing!!

  Today is day 20 on a journey not complete. As I begin, I do so with appreciation and prayer for you and your love and care during these past days.  Journey... each to their own. This has become one of learning and understanding of oneself. It was said in the beginning to remember this is my story and while others want to share with good intention, listen with only a half opened ear. But in doing so I am understanding that yes, we each have a story of our own, we share with reflection of similar paths    and love. We share in hope that someone is listening. As I am walking Jake yesterday morning, I am greeted by my dear neighbor who had a similar surgery, who remarked that she must be a sissy cause she took three months off from work. She said she couldn’t believe where I was in this journey but strongly advised again to take it easy. She is a dear friend and I am listening. As the stories are shared, the common theme is self care, rest, and time.  These past y...

I keep asking myself, how am I supposed to feel? Today, I ask this question one more time.  On Friday past, day 16 of this event, was a day met with anxiety as I made a realization that morning that something was in my assessment, terribly wrong. I was certain that everything I had done up to this point was exactly as I have been instructed and yet something did not look right to me. The left breast which is the side the cancer was found was in my opinion… well something was not right. I brought it up to George and he took a look but wasn’t sure. I knew and the fear was setting in.  This day was my first oncology appointment since the procedure and I was aware that from all the surgeon had led us to believe, he had done his work well and that there was likely going to be little if any chemotherapy required. This was what I had trusted to be the case and was a direct relation to why I had chosen to have a double mastectomy if the first. I had been assigned Dr. Dawaod for my ens...

From Monday, July 18, 2022 at 12:32 pm  Officially… day 12. This journey has developed into… well a journey of words not expressed and those verbalized.  It has been my goal since the beginning of this journey to remain strong. I believe today I stand firm in this desire. As I continue this road of daily convalesce, I am again struck by one’s inability to perform even the simplest task. I am acutely aware my situation is mild compared to that of others and yet the simple act of combing my hair is a task. My hair is as short as is often but when you can’t raise your arms above you head… and with apologies I say…. It is often forgotten within the remembering that the teapot my be too heavy, that plate may seem like an easy push forward, that over the head is over the top, buttons are your friend, that walking the dogs will be different now and slow to begin, that driving comes again with time.  What’s strikes me most is how easy it is to not recognize all the good that has ...

Just checking in, Our yesterday was one of continued rest. George has returned to work this morning for the next 5 days then will be home for a few.  I have promised myself take it easy. Today, again I rest and do so with feet up and useless television to occupy my field of vision.  I will perhaps sit at the computer on Monday for a bit. I have some things for work require ease of effort. My boss is very agreeable to the process and am thankful for the support of my workmates! Each day is something new. I feel different yet the same, less but also more, clear headed with a focus on tomorrow, my heart continues to hold George up as he carries me as well. Tomorrow is a beautiful sight. I am thank for the blessings of friends, many prayers, best wishes, and all the love. 

Today was a good day for us. We celebrated with a little lunch at our favorite place and allowed for a much needed deep breath by both of us.   While we remain realistically optimistic, our appointment with the breast cancer surgeon was good news! He reviewed all the reports with us and was very pleased. Pathology revealed the right side negative for any cancer.  Left side 2.1 tumor removed with negative margins. 3 out of 3 negative lymph nodes. The incisions look great and there has been little or no drainage. The removal of the right side drain, which is opposite the side of cancer, was great and went relatively flawless. On the left, where the cancer was, I was still draining but went ahead with removal and hurt like a $@?!#€<¥+=!!! It drained heavily but slowed quickly leaving the nurse confident with instructions for days to come.  I chose to have both breast removed to help eliminate the need for radiation and at present my surgeon is confident that will not be a...

  Just checking in! Thank you for all the love and blessing sent our way. My sister was here yesterday and we watched a couple movies. It was nice. She has been a great support for us and are thankful to have had her so close. I am blessed by the love of long and dear friendships. Cathy Moore (Cathleen Van Egmond) and Ann Winters (Celia Winters), came to sit with me over the weekend. This too was a comfortable and pleasant way to spend time. Today, I am home alone. I am in need of a break today. My mind has been on full speed since diagnosis day and I seem to be nonetheless, any the less. So, George got me all settled in before he left for work this morning and I am content to just be. George is home for the next 3 days and we are both looking forward to taking a much needed long breath. This has been a very busy week as life and work continues regardless. Healing, from what our little minds can hold, looks to be coming along well. The drainage from the breasts continues but has be...

  I have been sick for 2 years. While this may not be the root cause to my other issues it is a cause. The Crohns was caught early and has become manageable and yet we still are working on that. I am down to 124 as of yesterday and now I just eat whatever whenever and as much as I can and just deal with the stomach issues as they come.   The fibromyalgia is a wrench in my life that I have learned to deal with but it has gotten worse. My pain has increased but I manage it as I have for years. My joints are suffering but not the worst of my issues.  I initially found a lump on the left side. It felt small but not right. My PA felt it right away and began the process for a mammogram and ultrasound. We had a bit of an insurance gap that held things but kept moving forward slow but sure. Both procedures were scheduled for May 17. From then till now I feel it has increased in size and tenderness.  During my visit and exam with the surgeon, we covered a great deal of inform...