Ispossiblyprofound

and today I finally awoke out of the chemo fog. Still pain in my bones but I live with that shit every day. My labs were great. I am at 120.2 lbs and my white blood count was 3000 but can expect it to go up this coming week. She is addressing my meds for next round to include an extra day or two of the steroid to help keep off the pain and is also calling in something for my mouth and throat. She even noticed I sounded funny. It is that voice thing I get when I have a cold. Anyway, she said I looked good and was already onboard with what is next to come. She says she knows I’m gonna do great just because of my attitude. All in all it was a great visit. On to round two….. my next round is on September 14. My mothers memorial event in on the 18th, so my goal is to rest up and be prepared but be sure I'm strong enough to attend. We will have family there that day and I just can't miss. There is where the prayer request lies!!!  George has offed again to work, he was able to take m...

 Our emotions are real; the voice of knowledge that makes us suffer is not. Our suffering is true, but the reason why we suffer may not be true at all.

I confess, today was overwhelming for me yet a sense of peace as well. The new and unknown is never a calming place even on the best of days. Yet, upon walking in the door I felt cared for by hands and hearts, while tired of the load they bare, they attended with ears to listen and gentle with words shared.  Labs were first and I met Darrick and his assistant Sam for my first draw. Then off the the chair. They went over the hours plans with both of us then I sent George off for home. We knew it would be at least two good hours and all said and done we were at 2.5 for chair time. I had just stepped out the door and took a seat when George walked in.  I've come home with a injection patch for my white blood cells. Instructions for the days to come. I will likely begin to see a shift of energy and some physical pains over the weekend. George is off during this first round so we are aware of what to expect all the way round.  Thanks for the love and prayers today! You are app...

These past days have moved past quickly. I fear that in all the rush I missed a moment in time.  When first diagnosed it was weird not being able to share this most intimate moment with my mother. To know she would never understand the situation, never know to wrap her arms around me tenderly in an act of comfort, sharing an embrace that feels as though would never end, knowing that the one who kissed my hurts, calmed my fears, encouraged, taught, loved and only wanted love in return, would not be the hand to hold for a mothers comfort. Having watched her fade before my eyes has been a constant reminder of all that was to come. Not knowing that my fading from her memory would also mean that she would not be able to recognize that my heart was missing a mothers love. I have always known mother loved me and we met each other on a later life path of forgiveness and love in our own time. I am grateful and thankful for the time we have shared in love and laughter.  When my sister c...

Today I had my visit with the oncologist after the additional results were received. Ideally, my marker numbers should have been 26 or below. I am at 31. I will need chemotherapy that will last approximately 3 month with sessions every 3-4 weeks. Even the doctor seemed a bit deflated cause I think he also thought I would not have to have any chemo or perhaps this is just the way I see things. Regardless,  I begin again a new waiting process as we prepare. I have my education appointment next week with oncology to prepare me for what is to come. I am awaiting now to be scheduled with my surgeon to have a port placed and to assure that all the fluids have absorbed.  Not necessarily the results I/we we hoping but as with everything to date, I have felt prepared mentally for all outcomes. God is good and I am too!! Thanks everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers. They are appreciated and sincerely felt and received!

  Dear ones, These past days have been ones of healing that was needed and time that has been blessed. Today, as my physical healing goes, I feel good. My scars are healing very nicely though I am still experiencing a small pocket of fluid. Fluid is common as I have stated before but as I examine the results daily, I mark time by puffiness. Tonight, after my all but abbreviated bath, I again say… looking good kid!! Today was a first real day of what I had hoped to be concerted effort toward work. And while I began the day with the best of intentions all became lost with endless calls with hold times, back and forth, still only to gain small results on matters of great importance. While we are forever grateful to the insurance institutions we forward much of our hard earned dollars toward, I still have little faith their interest is my best. I recorded 1:47 as the amount of time on the phone today with BCBS in an attempt to resolve only one matter. ONE! My conversations, all while p...