As I reflect on the past weeks I am taken by the fact that my hopes and dreams… while still big and positive… have again been placed into a reality that is… adjusted.
This business of cancer is a difficult one. Once you think you have seen it all, you see a different view of life… once again.
Let me begin by saying that I have been fortunate from the start for the care given by Rocky Mountain Cancer Center, those who work within the walls, those whose care is from behind a desk, and those who are never directly involved in my care but are there nonetheless, leaves you with NO doubt of the care given.
I began my new medication on January 1st. This was used as a land mark day for reference and it just made sense as I seem to have difficulty with the order of my days. My new reality requires that I take a hormone blocker daily knowing that it will require a 5 possibly 10 year commitment.
Edit in… the results of my bone density scan provided additional details, some that I was not surprised by and yet. I have always had back issues and recent years I have been aware that my back and knees were getting weaker and with my fibromyalgia I was not surprised. Regardless, this scan revealed all that I had suspected and a dose of Zometa was prescribed for my bones. It is to be taken every 6 months for at least the next two years, to help these weaknesses and as a preventative because of the previously referred to hormone blocker can have an effect of my bone strength.
Enter…. The side effect…. Oy!!
All things have an effect… while this may be reflective of the medication prescribed it can have a larger effect than we care to give credit.
Over these past months, it has been my goal to remain brave and positive. If you were to ask my husband he would tell you that I have been amazing. He says this to me often. Not just when I am second guessing myself but often. He has been my biggest supporter and fan during this entire process. He has never let me down and for this I will be forever grateful. It has been from this support that I have found my strength to be stronger than I perhaps thought I could ever be.
I have been cautiously optimistic from the beginning of this cancer road traveled. Some of this caution has been out of fear and some just out of caution. Once I began to see and feel things within my body that were not as normal as they should have been, enter caution again. May I introduce you to the “being” that becomes known as “ the side effect”. Here you land in a new world that revolves around when did it begin, how painful, how long has it been, how long should we monitor, lets see how it goes, report back. Here is where I have been in these past days. As stated previously, I began my medication as suggested and the watch began. Once the side effects became noticeable, I began my report to my oncologist. I am thankful for the immediate response.
As a result, we have decided to stop the medication for a period of two weeks then work my way back to a new refined regimen. Not everyone can tolerate this medication, I may perhaps be one of those few. Sounds about right for me considering the past few years of uncertainty. There is an alternative medication that will be considered should the need arise. So I step back to watch and wait.
Along with the new stresses the old ones remain. As I continue to gather my strength for the days ahead, it is evident that the process is one of intentional steps, one at a time. I am still not working and we have entered a new year of deductibles so this bothers me greatly. It has been 6 months now living on one income. Relief will come in the form of a job for me and that will happen as it should, though my biggest concern is that of being able to preform. I continue to trust and have faith.
Our blessings are many in spite of certain uncertainties. The kids and the little kids all are well. Life for them is busy and filled with trials of the day… each to their own. I wish them all that is good in this life and that they know that they are loved.
May you dear friends, as you read these words shared, know that I thank you for your continued support and prayers during my journey. It is a path traveled by many before and will be trod upon again by many after. My story is not a new one, only the story that is lived by me.
Be blessed dear ones and know that you too… are loved.
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