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Harsh is the reality in life that can be a hard thing to embrace... as we begin to write the story of our lives we often want views from the lense of our own choosing....we reach for a reality that stirs our inner vision... satisfies everday desires... and when the canvas is colored in shades neutral to our eye... when brightness changes the wheel of certain reality... only then do we embrace the scenery... muddied by water used to clean a dirty brush... it is then that clarity is discovered... making the view witnessed... a view that begins to shape us... whether ideal desire changes our story written... that is where choice begins... if ever we are to see the world less our rose shaded vision... this is the first step to a life more envisioned in mystery rather than unrealized joy... unrecognized emotion... unrequited love... whether physical... or even that which is truly imagined... until we see the world of our own creation... our vision will never create reality... happiness... love... and our life... everlasting...

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So it goes…

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The memory is a funny being... i see so clearly yesterday... those are the stories we share... our pictures are perfect....full of color... scenes filled with love... life... experience... tasted... treasured... it is part of a bigger picture... i see a life before... when time often stood still just based on a mood... the end of a day... the depth of a moment... captured in time...yet brought to life... through the heart of another... one created in unconditional love... that which brought a light into a world that began dark... story less... distant... misunderstood... yet... as time passed and days of darkness became filled with memories of another day... one who was before a time... who gave an all for the sake of a cause... which unbeknownst to you... your time had not come... yet in the sunrise again on another day... which the heart of this one gave life to another... i for one never felt that truth until I dared to dream... of a small love that would fill a place that was never...
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Well this is the end of the first day of possibly many or even a few... i have tried to remain positive, consistent, hard, just... and right this moment I do not know how I feel... what I should feel... this is truly a place where I knew I was and yet decided to deny... the disease infests, inhabits,  enables the distrust to enter behind a steady fast faith... no matter how distant the goal seems to be... the nearer desire... to want to be relived of a heaviness that can only be explained by the action of others... who have been placed in an environment of trust... misfortune... resort... lack of choice... so to end this day in a place of even more uncertainty... no different from the recent past... i wonder outloud... is this really what you had in mind for me... again...
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