Gratitude

I begin this reading in gratitude for the many encouraging words, thoughts of love, and blessing of prayer afforded me during these past months. You have been appreciated and are loved in return.

I remain faithful in prayer yet cautiously optimistic. Today, in great faith and hope, we move into what is to be my last chemotherapy treatment. It has from the start been my goal to remain positive as I traverse this journey. Within many unspoken words, deep breath’s, tears, gentle touches, and silence in presence, we have found our way even within this unknown. I am so thankful for the love of my best friend and husband, who has, even in those moments where there were no words to speak, his love has shown in his eyes, felt in his touch, and has been known to be what has afforded me the strength needed to see every new day with hope and joy. We have said all along, we got this…. Today, we see an end. 

As I prepare for this last treatment, I will use the experience of the past to make myself as comfortable as possible. With the difference in symptoms from first to third, it has become increasingly harder. Which brings to mind those whose experience is much more than mine. I imagine only in small ways, the pain and despair that these shared journey warriors experience. While I see myself as brave and strong, I recognize where weakness can take hold of oneself in body, mind, and spirit. It is in those moments that I question how strong I really am. 

This is where gratitude becomes gratefulness. I am grateful to be one of those who have seen this battle but only in a short term way. At present my treatment plan has been in no way as arduous or as painful as that of some. My timing has been short, as I recognize in the faces of those who share this room, that perhaps theirs has been longer and the struggle has been more intense than mine. I admire the faces in this room. We share in a world perhaps never imagined. During this journey, I had never imagined that I would have cancer let alone the experience that comes along with the diagnosis. It is not just the words of having cancer that leave you unsettled, I think the unknowns within the diagnosis can be as equally hard. There is so much information to digest and it is important to be informed. That being said, I filled my mind with as much information as I could which was relevant to me and my diagnosis but I confess that while I felt informed, sometimes less is more. Because the journey is a personal one. I had shared before that those who have a shared experience in one way or another, have a story to share and it is important to be heard. In every aspect of this journey, one must be heard. There are those who will continue to endure long after I leave today, perhaps for many months. There are also the many who have lost this fight. My heart is now aware of a different kind of grief. I am blessed by this room of faces that I do not know by name or experience, but I see them nonetheless and am grateful for the opportunity to have shared in this experience with them. May God bless and keep you all in His gentle and tender care.

I reported to the new facility today for this final treatment. I have been impressed along the way by the amount of professionalism that is shown at Rocky Mountain Cancer Center. These caregivers have been blessed with hearts and minds filled with gentle encouraging words, hands that provide a caring touch, concern shown during the time in the chair, an office staff that never misses a chance to smile and share a good wish. My doctor and his personal staff have shown great care and professionalism as well. I can not say enough about the care and treatment I have received. As with any situation, one can find things that may not meet expectations or personal desire. I have found this experience, while cancer is not a desired one, has been one that has been journeyed with ease and I am thankful for that. I thank this staff of professionals for their care during this adventure. You are all the top of the heap in my book. 

Lastly, again I want to say thank you to you, my family and friends who have offered thoughts of love and prayer during this time. Your love and care has not gone unnoticed, I recognize where my blessings lie.

Thanks again kids!! May peace be with you.