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Interesting how the turn of event can completely change ones perspective of life. Living within a world of change... of life taking shape... life taking chances... seeing others come to an ending... while others continue to move in forward progression... of endings... of beginnings... past remembered... tomorrow altered... today... only a breath... and the feeling of complete control of what looks to be... yet grasping for what is known... why are we the way we are... we question... we also imagine... visions of sugar plums... sweet images of quiet desire... what is exciting about the future and where we want to be led is only distanced by how far we choosen to move. Change is sometimes the beginning of an end... but maybe the ending is truly the beginning... yet to dream and see these pictures as reality... here is where we take the risk... of faith... trust... desire... courage... freedom... willingness... imagination... desire... hope... dreams... and all that the eye can see...

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So it goes…

As I reflect on the past weeks I am taken by the fact that my hopes and dreams… while still big and positive… have again been placed into a reality that is… adjusted. This business of cancer is a difficult one. Once you think you have seen it all, you see a different view of life… once again. Let me begin by saying that I have been fortunate from the start for the care given by Rocky Mountain Cancer Center, those who work within the walls, those whose care is from behind a desk, and those who are never directly involved in my care but are there nonetheless, leaves you with NO doubt of the care given.  I began my new medication on January 1st. This was used as a land mark day for reference and it just made sense as I seem to have difficulty with the order of my days. My new reality requires that I take a hormone blocker daily knowing that it will require a 5 possibly 10 year commitment.  Edit in… the results of my bone density scan provided additional details, some that I was n...
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The memory is a funny being... i see so clearly yesterday... those are the stories we share... our pictures are perfect....full of color... scenes filled with love... life... experience... tasted... treasured... it is part of a bigger picture... i see a life before... when time often stood still just based on a mood... the end of a day... the depth of a moment... captured in time...yet brought to life... through the heart of another... one created in unconditional love... that which brought a light into a world that began dark... story less... distant... misunderstood... yet... as time passed and days of darkness became filled with memories of another day... one who was before a time... who gave an all for the sake of a cause... which unbeknownst to you... your time had not come... yet in the sunrise again on another day... which the heart of this one gave life to another... i for one never felt that truth until I dared to dream... of a small love that would fill a place that was never...
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Well this is the end of the first day of possibly many or even a few... i have tried to remain positive, consistent, hard, just... and right this moment I do not know how I feel... what I should feel... this is truly a place where I knew I was and yet decided to deny... the disease infests, inhabits,  enables the distrust to enter behind a steady fast faith... no matter how distant the goal seems to be... the nearer desire... to want to be relived of a heaviness that can only be explained by the action of others... who have been placed in an environment of trust... misfortune... resort... lack of choice... so to end this day in a place of even more uncertainty... no different from the recent past... i wonder outloud... is this really what you had in mind for me... again...
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