Ispossiblyprofound

To live the life you want to live. What an interesting thought.  From early on life is shaped by only what you know. I spent my life with dreams of things of greatness.  Of knowing at a moment I desired to grow up to be and rise to be all that was hoped to be. To strive to be seen at the top. While living days through a lense of judgement. An eye of critical thinking. To grow and to be all that was imagined.  Then as the decades moved forward and age counted out time, visions changed. I don't always believe that I lived up to that which was once seen. My desire to be the person the bar was raised for, I have felt the failure of only being what I am. And from sounds of the past the voices still resonate in my visions and are sometimes very overwhelming. The affects of language shape us. Words that put restraint on vision. That ring choirs of tones that again shape in a larger world. Which begs the question of all those sounds and how we use them as we grow. Do we really im...

In the circle of life, death is a dynamic perspective. As we end this year of 2016 it seems that we again as bystanders of life have and are experiencing what we define as tragic endings. Of those who are within our fondest remembering and our tomorrow. As a society that relishes the view of something greener and life of a grander scale, when we watch the lives of larger than icons often leaves us a bit lost and sad. I remember the broken heartedness when Robin Williams died. His death was one that brought me to tears. I remember the loss of others and yet I have forgotten. I know of many who have gone before and am saddened by the loss. As we again hear of yet another to whom many of us lived a life through the eyes of those who lived a life that is larger than one we could ever imagine. Yet, as the lives of those who are connected to our days and life pass, we are often momentarily struck with the same sadness yet also on a level which rocks us to the same gut wrenching agony. Yet re...

Today is my mother's 80ty something birthday. I say something because the verdict is out on that. Not only for me but for my mother as well. It is an interesting story she has in recent past shared that she doesn't have a real birth certificate. Something about her mother not securing one. Or something of a story relating to such. Now, having the memory of my Nana, I hazard to believe this story for anything other than a figment or possibly something more radical.  Any number of possibilities and yet. This woman I remember to be very detailed from the smell that even the thought of her evokes in my mind, to the order that was kept in every aspect of house and home. Kitchen cupboards that were neat and not filled to access, yet in the one of choice is where the M&M's lived. There was order in the closet that were also fragrant with cedar. Scarves lay folded and ironed in the proper drawer. Silver was polished. Sheet and cases were startched and crisp. Every thing in orde...

Well this is the end of the first day of possibly many or even a few... i have tried to remain positive, consistent, hard, just... and right this moment I do not know how I feel... what I should feel... this is truly a place where I knew I was and yet decided to deny... the disease infests, inhabits,  enables the distrust to enter behind a steady fast faith... no matter how distant the goal seems to be... the nearer desire... to want to be relived of a heaviness that can only be explained by the action of others... who have been placed in an environment of trust... misfortune... resort... lack of choice... so to end this day in a place of even more uncertainty... no different from the recent past... i wonder outloud... is this really what you had in mind for me... again...

I have for the past many years... greeted the first snow with a degree of... well... for lack of a better word, dread... and loathing... topped with a bit of hate... fear... lots of sarcasm... coldness... wet... uncertainty... and my i say again, dread... i have for the past many years heard and witnessed with a good deal of doubt yet hope... we are outta here... this is what my abominable says upon the first walk in after the first measurable amount... dry or wet... fluffy or heavy with moisture... shovel or blower... it's always the same... we are outta here... i picture one day near the end of a day... what becomes the preparation... do we agree to disagree... do we map a wall and throw a dart... each or agreed upon... do we go where we know the heart is... do we sell it all... take only what is necessary... the most minimal amount... back a ditty bag... and begin anew... many of the recent events in our life would be significant reason to begin the process of thought... yet... ...

As day become night... my heart remains heavy for so many reasons and yet it reminds me of my need to trust and pray... i have words in my head that a dear friend once said... don't hope pray... to be without out is to be without life... that phrase could cover so many moments... of worry... fear... anger... anguish... regret... loss... an endless list of adjectives to describe what pushes the floor up into your face... that takes the breath from you lungs... that brings moisture to the eye that gravity can only reduce to a tear... this is such a effort to release... yet... my faith is in order entry who know all... sees all... and is all... and yet I am...

Ahh... surprise is around the corner....those who know... know it to be real... true... and believed to be in fact, all that we choose to believe... i have for my whole existence never known anything different... that promise of great truth... that the gift of a child could rule and change the world... if only by the hearts that also know that truth... that faith in that what is truly unseen and yet believed... for all of my time... that promise is all I've known... I've never doubted in this promise... I've never questioned the gift... i am a believer... my life is not my own and my walk is path filled with bumps and cliffs... Hills and valleys... with sadness and joy... but a promise... a redeeming gift of life is what draws me in... then more to the point... i believe those I love must believe as well... this is all I've ever known... this fact has been inbred in my brain... this from a love that knew and believed as well the promise that was laid before them by the ...

What if life is truly lived by the code of the family... to see that code played out in even the smallest of everyday situations... some live for little more than a place in line... a deal made in a back round... a wink over breakfast... a hand shake at the end of a visit... when life is played out in a ritual of the past... where a name was more about your place in line... so much was for your own good... your place in line was where you lived... each day knowing that this is where a line is drawn... you either live by the rules... or you die... who was it who wrote that book of rules... who was it to set into motion this dynamic of life where with only word... of each go to drastic lengths to live in the details of life... only the ones that can frame the internal... a life lived by a standard of reality... by moving past what for generations has only destroyed lives along the way... i am not sure I could live with in those kind of rules... that which daily all decisions are made bas...

I love words... today i received little colorful lines that were meant to say... thank you... i remember so fondly those moments in time where the most import was created by the you... even if it were in the smallest of mark... the least of the colorful but the best of the hue... those tiny gifts of love passed from generation to generation... my life is not lived in the past... i don't spend my life surrounded by what could have been but more likely what was and it's result... to see the line of color fill a page in memory.... there is only what can be called life... i see this little life does grow... growing from... dreams to reality... and what lovely pictures printed on a canvas called life... Alison Rhae and your Lilly... a circle created from a mark... a colorful line...

The memory is a funny being... i see so clearly yesterday... those are the stories we share... our pictures are perfect....full of color... scenes filled with love... life... experience... tasted... treasured... it is part of a bigger picture... i see a life before... when time often stood still just based on a mood... the end of a day... the depth of a moment... captured in time...yet brought to life... through the heart of another... one created in unconditional love... that which brought a light into a world that began dark... story less... distant... misunderstood... yet... as time passed and days of darkness became filled with memories of another day... one who was before a time... who gave an all for the sake of a cause... which unbeknownst to you... your time had not come... yet in the sunrise again on another day... which the heart of this one gave life to another... i for one never felt that truth until I dared to dream... of a small love that would fill a place that was never...

How interesting life is based on the life of the past... and how interesting life is based on the sounds that is received in the brain... i remember so fondly the music of my past... the history involved from the stories heard... from the ideas brought to reality... from a moment of equality... where the playing field wasn't only leveled but actually made a reality... when the stories heard from the vinyl that spun was a story lived and felt in the gut... when the pictures painted from the cord that was played was not only what was felt at the core... when the beat struck with a beat that pounded hard... when the floor sang songs heard as the deaf listen for the first time... where did the sound begin in your life... was it in sadness... in joy...was it melancholy... or was it a love... the first... or the best... the worst... or the end of time... when did your heart begin to feel... the honesty of a tune that still resonates within you... do you still hear that passion... have yo...

I often look to a day with fondness... a day that has past... i have never lived my life looking back... oh regrets... i have a few... but to dwell... well I learned a long time ago that they are what kills the life of a true dreamer... no one else will ever be faulted for a dream of things that could have been... and yet... so when I say I often live within a picture of a past... i truly say that I try with a serious desire to not live with regret... i speak what I feel is only from my heart... i say what has for the moment opened my heart to ridicule and truth... i speak for my own in an attempt to impart what can be said to be with the best of intent... yet while making history with my own words I risk a life of regret... only a regret for what the story is to be told..  from the eyes of another... as many of those words were met with spark... with enlightenment... with vision... with deep thought... and with a scene of what could have been yet never will be... regret is built f...

Tom Hanks has his hand in pieces of my past... i relish in the visions of yesterday that turn up before my eyes as I continue to watch the CNN documentaries that he has been involved with... while the 60's & 70's as programs have been out now for a while... we have been watching them intermittently... and each time we begin again I find myself caught in pictures and window views of memory and reality... of realism and truth... of destiny and curse... what those who thought was forward to some it was regression... worth the risk was to great a risk indeed... of what was in the name of honor and trust was failed and forgotten... when so many were moving the hearts and minds of the masses... the status became all that many knew... the mark of the day is not lost in the past... we strive for much of the same today as what was once dreamed... can our vision be so myopic as to not see past the place they pictured life to be... to dream of equality for life... in pay... in status....

Tonight... again I saw a photo vision of my childhood... of days gone by... and whoa what a memory... a childhood memory of Christmas... to which we all draw from the past... of the Friday after Thankgiving... when downtown became alive... of store windows decorated with the spirit of Christmas... of lights draped across Main Street... of colors and scenery that spoke the story of the season... of the line that weaved it's way through each named bank on the corner of Main and 6th Street... of movies on Saturday at the theater to which the treats were 10 cents and the popcorn smell filled the entryway... where you knew that when the flashlight showed in your direction that it meant business... that at the end of the movie... Santa had a bag for you filled with ribbon candy... peanut in the shell... and orange and an apple... and when it was over... the spirit of the day warmed you from within to without... as only a child would know... the memories of a day gone by... that will neve...

We watch life from each of our own vantage point... we look through a glass with vision of color... shape... attitude... personality... love... trust... doubt... regret... such is life... what my day to day... is... is not always what you are privileged to see... i listen with ears to hear... eyes to see... your life i digest... i take comfort in knowing that you... you see and hear the words I am... the time I give you... the moments you need to be vulnerable... to lay down your shield and allow your heart to pour of itself... it's grief... worry... concern... fear... again... life... pray the moments you are in need... such that you share are the feelings you feel to be warm... understood... comforted... appreciated... heard... and believed... that is the one I hope you see within the life that is found in me... God bless you boys and girls...

There is an interesting pattern weaved in the very nature of life... paths cross for a reason... woven into a fabric of truth... alway one side... circumstantial... vision either viewed from a clear glass or darkly ensconced... is a one sided tale... of this story you hear is my own... i tell you to let you hear the hurt in my voice... to be recognized for the person that I saw fit to inhabit... to impose my truth into your life at the risk of taking over your very thought... yet I'm here because of a day only a scene in the past... i dare to let you win over my being... fighting within your agenda... because I stood today... again today... on the stage that is set to each owns choosing... when the fight became greater within... and the one from the bottom dared to rise to the top... this is what today was made of... of the clarity of word... expressed from a heart that literally had no more strength than to stand on your own two feet... and lead by the example you strive to achiev...

I have spent the past months working to make a dream a reality... i had only... from the beginning of this dream... set my heart in the place of giving... of sharing... of loving... for the sake of a call... and hoping to find a great love in return... i have seen this dream become a reality... and it was grace that made that dream a reality... the graceful love of a few... that trusted my ability... that knew my heart... that put faith in me... to fulfill a dream... my heart is more blessed by these others than even my own desires have imagined... a dream that started with a conversation with my husband and a passion for others... and by a genuine faith in me... to what became a common goal... i have so many to thank for the blessings upon my life... as this season begins to take hold of our lives... the business of shopping... of search for the perfect gift... of choosing colorful papers... baking and cooking... of traveling from home... to celebrations with family and friends... the...