Today is my mother's 80ty something birthday. I say something because the verdict is out on that. Not only for me but for my mother as well. It is an interesting story she has in recent past shared that she doesn't have a real birth certificate. Something about her mother not securing one. Or something of a story relating to such. Now, having the memory of my Nana, I hazard to believe this story for anything other than a figment or possibly something more radical. Any number of possibilities and yet. This woman I remember to be very detailed from the smell that even the thought of her evokes in my mind, to the order that was kept in every aspect of house and home. Kitchen cupboards that were neat and not filled to access, yet in the one of choice is where the M&M's lived. There was order in the closet that were also fragrant with cedar. Scarves lay folded and ironed in the proper drawer. Silver was polished. Sheet and cases were startched and crisp. Every thing in order and each in there place. I don't remember her having been the out of door sort of being. But I remember the patio we would sit on during rainstorms. The Bible was open and prayer were lifted. My memories are clear and defined. The memories and thoughts that run through my mind are of a woman who kept order with grace. Who opened a door for a stranger and placed food when hunger was evident. Who showed me there was love surrounding every moment and action and it flowed fluid and freely. Even at this moment I have scents that I picture and sounds that I see. At a point I reconcile my mind to only believe that this being of my mind is not one to have let a moment of remembrance pass. A certificate of birth deemed in my mind would be important enough to mark. I wonder if the occasion was marked with a piece of parchment that was tucked away with the important contacts and documents. I am not sure where the disconnect started but the year was marked by the birth of my mother in a year of one number or that. She is 84 I believe and years have been lived that have marked the days of 4 others. A man devoted to a woman in story told about love and commitment. Years away spent on a vast depth of sea. Missing steps marked with birthdays and special moments. School programs and hours in the presence of family that shared the same lifestyle. Three lives of children that went direction that were different and chosen for reasons of each own. With some disapproving eye that still sees vision. Each became what they were. This woman who lived life through 4 and today celebrates a day in the past when a small life was received into a world of happy joy. A small life that smiled into the hearts of a mother and father who saw in one so dedicated to give life to 4 beings who followed in footsteps to the future. Happy birthday to you momma. Whatever your age be, in presence of today. Filled with love, happiness, and life.
It is hard waiting for the other shoe to drop... this can apply to so many areas of life... financial security... job security... health... children... family... all of these things are difficult enough in their own way... what is most difficult is waiting for another to twist the knife... we as human are such flawed creatures to begin with... with the three fingers that point back as we call out the failure of others... it is enough just to keep the eyes in the back of the head open wide to protect us from the inevitable... often we know that which is about to happen... yet there are times when we never see it coming... it is not always about doing what is right... it is more often about doing what is necessary that gets us into trouble... and there in lies the rub... we do what we feel to be right to make the wheel turn and others just can't bare the thought of not having control... whether gained or earned... and as the aftermath of what is left behind... the question remains......
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