Day 12

From Monday, July 18, 2022 at 12:32 pm 

Officially… day 12.

This journey has developed into… well a journey of words not expressed and those verbalized. 

It has been my goal since the beginning of this journey to remain strong. I believe today I stand firm in this desire. As I continue this road of daily convalesce, I am again struck by one’s inability to perform even the simplest task. I am acutely aware my situation is mild compared to that of others and yet the simple act of combing my hair is a task. My hair is as short as is often but when you can’t raise your arms above you head… and with apologies I say….

It is often forgotten within the remembering that the teapot my be too heavy, that plate may seem like an easy push forward, that over the head is over the top, buttons are your friend, that walking the dogs will be different now and slow to begin, that driving comes again with time. 

What’s strikes me most is how easy it is to not recognize all the good that has come from this. I have in many ways become detached with the small stuff. I resist to correct, though confession of the heart would say that I have a lot of growth in that area. I am, as you are, am a creature of habit and as my creature nature would have it, there are things in my life that I like to have done a certain way. These small things, though once momentous, are now things I am learning to accept and just let be. I recognize my response to things not done my own particular way yet still being accomplished and completed so why the hell am I wasting energy on something so generic. I ask myself as I again resist the temptation to say…

Today, I rest. My eagerness to know myself again is becoming ever present. From the dawning my earrings after 3 days, to the anticipation of my jewels for which I am so known. Because of the procedure had, I have been encouraged to not dawn my rings for at least a month. It is about the positive blood that needs to run throughout my arms and phalanges. I am eager for routine. I am up early, even in this state of healing, at 3:56 am like clockwork. I use this time for me and I take Jake out for his early morning walk. This is a time I treasure and enjoy and am looking forward to with great anticipation. 

My job is as is for many, a livelihood that is necessary to our household. I am a willing participant in this and do so with a grateful and happy heart. I like the work I do so feel the need to preform before I should, as I take a step back from an 8 hour schedule to preforming in 2 hour blocks. I take pride in a work ethic learned well and am looking forward to feeling that sense of accomplishment upon return to my active duties. These along with a number of other wishes will happen in due time. 

I am grateful for today. For the gift of peace as i rest here in the comfort of our home. It is a gift not afforded to all.