Day 20

 Today is day 20 on a journey not complete. As

I begin, I do so with appreciation and prayer for you and your love and care during these past days. 

Journey... each to their own. This has become one of learning and understanding of oneself.

It was said in the beginning to remember this is my story and while others want to share with good intention, listen with only a half opened ear. But in doing so I am understanding that yes, we each have a story of our own, we share with reflection of similar paths  and love. We share in hope that someone is listening. As I am walking Jake yesterday morning, I am greeted by my dear neighbor who had a similar surgery, who remarked that she must be a sissy cause she took three months off from work. She said she couldn’t believe where I was in this journey but strongly advised again to take it easy. She is a dear friend and I am listening. As the stories are shared, the common theme is self care, rest, and time. 

These past years have been filled with such unanswered questions that when an answer appeared, I lost my focus thinking that this is all I've been dealing with wrapped into one answer. In doing so, I have in a way neglected the health I have had to become accustomed too and only focused on this breast cancer journey. While I need to focus on my recovery, I must remind myself that my health was and still is my priority. I have wanted to be strong and move forward with life but I must remember that these past years have taken a physical toll. I work daily to keep weight on (121-125 lbs) that continues varies 3-5 pounds up/down, my appetite is always an issue while I try hard too eat several small meals a day, not to mention every other thing. This is regardless of where I am today. 

There is a waiting period with oncology before we take the next step, only as we wait for my next results. If additional treatment is needed, I will need to be aware of my physical strength more than ever. I am fully aware all the information that was shared and hoping that all that is needed will be hormone therapy.

As I come into this day numbered 20, I am aware again that fluid is building in the left breast. While this is not uncommon it still causes me personal concern, having had 50cc removed on Friday. Am I pushing myself to hard, to fast? I am in constant thought of what is best for our home but must put myself first. I will need all my strength to go back to work full time. The road is long... to my job... but long in recovery as well. I am concerned that I need to be fully aware of my physical needs so that when I do begin the traverse to my post and desk, that I am not returning home to find strength has waned. 

My words are long as I find some peace this morning. As a result, I will be using the next days, slowly. I will contact the surgeon today to report the fluid buildup and follow his instructions. But I am taking time to heal. Thank you all for you love!