I often look to a day with fondness... a day that has past... i have never lived my life looking back... oh regrets... i have a few... but to dwell... well I learned a long time ago that they are what kills the life of a true dreamer... no one else will ever be faulted for a dream of things that could have been... and yet... so when I say I often live within a picture of a past... i truly say that I try with a serious desire to not live with regret... i speak what I feel is only from my heart... i say what has for the moment opened my heart to ridicule and truth... i speak for my own in an attempt to impart what can be said to be with the best of intent... yet while making history with my own words I risk a life of regret... only a regret for what the story is to be told.. from the eyes of another... as many of those words were met with spark... with enlightenment... with vision... with deep thought... and with a scene of what could have been yet never will be... regret is built from the failure of others... as the past gave itself to its own set of desires... to create a change for the world... it is that left over reflection of what was ever to be seen... my picture of what I would have wanted are remarkably different from any of the scenes I had even viewed... my regret is onlying due to my own failure... in life... in parenthood... in reality... in truth... my life failed to be all that I would have wanted... i am thankful for the gifts that were created from a love of a child... from a dream and of hope that I would be enough... that I could be the one l that I dreamed of being... yet what became of my dream showed me to be lacking in the strength and the ability that ever thought to possess... i was and am a failure... i have been honest with those most effective by my childish life... of where I failed and all of my lacking to be what was needed... it is never easy to be what a person shows themselves to be... the mask of deception... the one that is worn by the face of many and lived on the day by day existence... that makes this day... an end to this beginning... watch what life has to share... and watch the changing of the colored and not the paintings that are displayed for your learning of truth... keep your eyes open to the colors of tomorrow and not of the past... shine on bright light... for this is your moment to remember... and never forget...
As I reflect on the past weeks I am taken by the fact that my hopes and dreams… while still big and positive… have again been placed into a reality that is… adjusted. This business of cancer is a difficult one. Once you think you have seen it all, you see a different view of life… once again. Let me begin by saying that I have been fortunate from the start for the care given by Rocky Mountain Cancer Center, those who work within the walls, those whose care is from behind a desk, and those who are never directly involved in my care but are there nonetheless, leaves you with NO doubt of the care given. I began my new medication on January 1st. This was used as a land mark day for reference and it just made sense as I seem to have difficulty with the order of my days. My new reality requires that I take a hormone blocker daily knowing that it will require a 5 possibly 10 year commitment. Edit in… the results of my bone density scan provided additional details, some that I was n...
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